Why should I ‘feel my feelings’?
With the highlight reel of Instagram and an emphasis on the quest for happiness; we can often avoid and suppress any feelings to the contrary. Feeling painful emotions can feel just that: painful. Far easier to numb them with a glass of wine, comfort food or doom scrolling to distract yourself from them entirely.
However, ‘negative’ feelings are signals that tell us about our internal state of mind. Like feelings of physical pain, they shouldn’t be ignored. They are signposts for underlying concerns we need to address. We can use them, as we would use pain signals, to identify the source of the problem and take steps to correct it.
But how often do you suppress a negative feeling in the hope that it will go away only for it to sneak up on you and blindside you when you least expect it…
So, how do I ‘feel my feelings’?
Feelings often have two elements to them: the thoughts and the physical sensation. For example, anxiety can manifest as catastrophising thoughts and a tightness in the chest. In the Western world we spend a lot of time in our heads, so it can help to bring your focus into the body and connect to the sensations of this emotion.
Find somewhere quiet, feel a sense of grounding in a comfortable seated position or lying on your back, palms and feet planted on the floor. Take a moment to settle in and connect to your breath, taking deep breaths in and out of the nose. Notice the thoughts that are coming up for you – hear them out – but do so as an observer, knowing that you are separate from your thoughts.
As these thoughts come up, what emotions do they stir within you? Start to notice where you feel the physical sensation of tension in your body. Allow yourself time to connect to these sensations and try to name the physicality of them e.g. tightness, numbness, heaviness – and as you connect to the physicality of it perhaps asking questions as the observer. “Where did this come from? What are you trying to tell me?”
As you connect to the place in your body you feel these sensations most – perhaps the chest, heart, shoulders, stomach, hips – place a loving hand or two to that area and breathe deeply into that space. Give yourself the love and understanding you would to a young child or someone you care deeply for. Tell yourself what it is you need to hear in that moment that will give you the most comfort. What would you want someone to tell you that would make you feel a sense of relief?
Allow yourself to release anything that needs to be released – the breath can be a really powerful tool here, so with each exhale you can sigh out of your mouth or just soften the areas of tension in the body. Allow any tears to flow. There’s no denying that there’s nothing more cathartic than a good cry. Allow yourself to release a burden and feel light again.
When you notice a shift in your emotions, pause to ask, “What now?” or “How can I move forward with intention?” Embracing our feelings can be transformative, leading to newfound compassion for those we’re angry with, closure in relationships, or a commitment to protect ourselves better.
What is the benefit of ‘feeling my feelings’?
By intentionally creating space to feel your emotions, you deepen your connection to your inner self. This awareness helps you identify triggers earlier as you notice the physical sensations in your body arise. By building this connection, you are able to address the emotion in an intentional way; ultimately reducing the hold emotions have over you. You’ll find it easier to process feelings and recognise your needs, enhancing your relationships and empowering you to set boundaries and communicate effectively. This shift positively impacts all areas of your life, allowing for healthier thought patterns instead of harmful rumination.
Eventually you will feel safe and supported in your own body and mind. You will know that everything you need to self soothe is within. If you’re looking for support in building this connection, feel free to book a discovery call to explore 121 coaching with me here.